So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You have to summon your inner elephant
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
