So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
