Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize