That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i out mim tonsoeep
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