why didn't you poke me back
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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