I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
