I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
