i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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