I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
