This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
