im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
