please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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