You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
