Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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