you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
