someone get that fucking seahorse.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I need to align my fucking chakras
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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