i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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