when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
