I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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