At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
