I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
