I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
