He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
