FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
