Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
