You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
