I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
