Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
