I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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