There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
