Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
