You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
