No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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