Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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