I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize