I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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