boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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