ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
