1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
