No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
