she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
