i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
