Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
