last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
