Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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