Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
