Who did Billy Mays play for?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
