he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
