I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
