Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
