my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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