Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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