She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
